About Paul
- Intimacy and Sex Coach
- Enneagram Instructor
- Workshop Presenter
Paul is a couples counselor, intimacy coach, and workshop presenter. He works with couples to harmonize differences in communication style and intimacy style. The Enneagram is a powerful tool he uses in his work.
Sex-Positive Christianity
Rev. Paul Paiva, M.Div., M.A., is a former Roman Catholic priest who performs romantic and entertaining wedding ceremonies. He is a devout Christian who is sex-positive, meaning an acceptance that sexual pleasure is something that is beautiful and an essential part of being a human. He does couples counseling, pre-marital counseling for engaged couples, and is a certified intimacy & sex coach who teaches the Erotic Blueprints™ from a Christian perspective, for singles and couples who want to ignite their passion, including those affected by religion-induced shame. He teaches the Enneagram and uses it as a tool for personal growth for couples, individuals, and groups. Paul actively blogs, vblogs, and speaks on various topics on faith and intimacy.
My Story: Pastoral Work prepared me for Couples Counseling and Intimacy Coaching
When I was a committed, celibate priest, women and men came to me for pastoral counseling; many were married, engaged, or dating. Over the years I observed that these people knew more about Love than I did. In relationships, you talk, dialogue, compromise, and discuss. You learn empathy, how to listen, how to be selfless, how to be loving and caring. You may have differences in your values. Or differences in libido. Or have different political affiliations. As a celibate priest living in the rectory, because I was not in a romantic relationship, I was at risk for being complacent about my spiritual growth. My congregation put me on a pedestal. I could become arrogant, aloof, and uncaring, and I would likely not be challenged. That cannot happen in a thriving relationship. It is truly a beautiful vehicle for becoming a more loving human being.
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International Association of Marriage and Family Counselors (IAMFC)
2024 IAMFC World Conference, St. Petersburg, Florida (February 1-3)
The Enneagram as a Modality in Couples Counseling
Using the lens of the Enneagram, great strides can be made to help the counselor earn the trust of each party, and for giving insights to each person to understand their partner’s behaviors and motivations, allowing for empathy and intimacy to develop between the couple. Cursory Enneagram knowledge is desirable to benefit from this presentation.
When a couple arrives for a first counseling session, often one person is motivated to engage in the counseling process, and the other person’s investment may be suspicious, lackadaisical, or even feigned. It is essential that the counselor can win the trust of both parties, paving the road for an engaged process by both parties. If trust is not established with both of them, a second or third session may not happen.
When significant obstacles exist such as criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling (Gottman), with the Enneagram the counselor can have laser-sharp skills to help the clients see in themselves and in their partner, the underlying innate motivations, blind spots, compulsions, and avoidances. These insights can often help a couple to breakthrough these obstacles, creating safety for the both parties to engage in the process with an optimistic attitude.
In the presentation I will review a few cases that demonstrate how various obstacles of trust can be addressed and rectified by the counselor using an Enneagram lens, and transformed into understanding, trust, and empathy for the couple.
Presented by Paul Paiva, M.Div., M.A., EBC
- International Association of Marriage and Family Counselors (IAMFC)
- Gottman Method Couples Therapy: A New Look at the Concept of Homeostasis 7/2023,
- Jeff White PhD, LMFT
- Gottman Method Couples Therapy: A New Look at the Concept of Homeostasis 7/2023,
- American Counseling Association (ACA), March 2023 Annual Conference, Toronto
- Sex and the Sacred - Complex intersections of Sex and Religion in Counseling
- Hanna Barnhill Bayne, PhD
- Using Faith Practices in the Healing of Trauma
- Nicole G. Johnson, PhD, Angelle E. Richardson, PhD
- Human Sexuality Counseling: A Sex Positive Approach
- Angela Schubert, PhD
- Why and How Counselors Should be Saying "Let's Talk about Sex" to our Clients
- John T. Super, PhD
- Sex and the Sacred - Complex intersections of Sex and Religion in Counseling
- Trauma-Informed Coaching, 2021
- Marty Stani, LCSW