About Paul
- Intimacy and Sexual Challenges
- Communication Style Differences
- Enneagram Instructor
- Workshop Presenter
Paul is a workshop presenter and couples couples counselor focusing on differences in sexual, intimacy, and communication style. He works with couples to harmonize differences in communication style and intimacy style. The Enneagram is a powerful tool he uses in his work.
Sex-Positive Christianity
Rev. Paul Paiva, M.Div., M.A., is a former Roman Catholic priest who performs romantic and entertaining wedding ceremonies. He is a devout Christian who is sex-positive, meaning an acceptance that sexual pleasure is something that is beautiful and an essential part of being a human. He does couples counseling, pre-marital counseling for engaged couples, and is a certified intimacy & sex educator who teaches the Erotic Blueprints™ from a Christian perspective, for singles and couples who want to ignite their passion, including those affected by religion-induced shame. He teaches the Enneagram and uses it as a tool for personal growth for couples, individuals, and groups. Paul actively blogs, vblogs, and speaks on various topics on faith and intimacy.
My Story: Pastoral Work prepared me for Couples Counseling and Focusing on Intimacy and Sexual Differences
When I was a committed, celibate priest, women and men came to me for pastoral counseling; many were married, engaged, or dating. Over the years I observed that these people knew more about Love than I did. In relationships, you talk, dialogue, compromise, and discuss. You learn empathy, how to listen, how to be selfless, how to be loving and caring. You may have differences in your values. Or differences in libido. Or have different political affiliations. As a celibate priest living in the rectory, because I was not in a romantic relationship, I was at risk for being complacent about my spiritual growth. My congregation put me on a pedestal. I could become arrogant, aloof, and uncaring, and I would likely not be challenged. That cannot happen in a thriving relationship. It is truly a beautiful vehicle for becoming a more loving human being.
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International Association of Marriage and Family Counselors (IAMFC)
2025 IAMFC World Conference, New Orleans, LA (January 9-11)
Addressing Christian Couples’ Errant Faith-Based Approach to Pornography Challenges, Common with Easy Technological Access
“I’m told I’m not availing myself enough to my spouse for intimacy, therefore I'm contributing to his porn attachment or addiction.”
“I’m supposed to be submissive to my husband.”
Counselors will be given techniques to address these perplexing scenarios with their clients. When a counselor learns the faith values of their client, they can undo errant biblical teaching and demonstrate that their faith tradition does have proper teaching which is supported by the counselor’s therapeutic values, ensuring a successful outcome of counseling.
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
1. Identify and discern between "authentic" and "pseudo"-Christian teachings regarding consent and intimacy for couples.
2. Recognize that the essence of Christian teaching encompasses love, acceptance, and agency, which is also the essence of modern sexuality teaching.
3. Educators, counselors, and therapists will be able to relate to their clients with conservative Christian values with confidence and not dread, equipped with tools to further their clients' spiritual journeys.
Presentation is from the point of view of a theologian and couples counselor, presenting to the psychotherapeutic community.
Presented by Paul Paiva, M.Div., M.A., EBC
2024 IAMFC World Conference, St. Petersburg, Florida (February 1-3)
The Enneagram as a Modality in Couples Counseling
Using the lens of the Enneagram, great strides can be made to help the counselor earn the trust of each party, and for giving insights to each person to understand their partner’s behaviors and motivations, allowing for empathy and intimacy to develop between the couple. Cursory Enneagram knowledge is desirable to benefit from this presentation.
When a couple arrives for a first counseling session, often one person is motivated to engage in the counseling process, and the other person’s investment may be suspicious, lackadaisical, or even feigned. It is essential that the counselor can win the trust of both parties, paving the road for an engaged process by both parties. If trust is not established with both of them, a second or third session may not happen.
When significant obstacles exist such as criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling (Gottman), with the Enneagram the counselor can have laser-sharp skills to help the clients see in themselves and in their partner, the underlying innate motivations, blind spots, compulsions, and avoidances. These insights can often help a couple to breakthrough these obstacles, creating safety for the both parties to engage in the process with an optimistic attitude.
In the presentation I will review a few cases that demonstrate how various obstacles of trust can be addressed and rectified by the counselor using an Enneagram lens, and transformed into understanding, trust, and empathy for the couple.
Presented by Paul Paiva, M.Div., M.A., EBC
Continuing Education
- International Association of Marriage and Family Counselors 2025 (IAMFC), New Orleans, LA
- Safeguarding Online Privacy: Approaches to Navigating Digital Safety for Practitioners and Family
- Joseph Pistorius, Licensed Professional Counselor, PhD, LPC-SA, NCC
- Robert Casares, Licensed Professional Counselor, PhD, LCMHC, NCC
- Ethical Challenges when Working with Couples
- Martina Moore, Counselor, PhD, LPCC-S, LICDC-C, CEAP, SAP
- Prepared for Conflict: Incorporating High Conflict Separation/Divorce into Counselor Education
- Chris Schmidt, Counselor, PhD, LPCC-S, LICDC-C, CEAP, SAP
- Jenai Grigg, Assistant Dean of General Education, Holy Family University, Philadelphia, PA
- Infidelity in the Digital Age
- Dr. Jeannelle Perkins, Marriage & Family Therapist, PhD, LMFT-S, EMDR
- Safeguarding Online Privacy: Approaches to Navigating Digital Safety for Practitioners and Family
- International Association of Marriage and Family Counselors 2024 (IAMFC), Tampa, FL
- Gottman Method Couples Therapy: A New Look at the Concept of Homeostasis 7/2023,
- Jeff White PhD, LMFT
- Gottman Method Couples Therapy: A New Look at the Concept of Homeostasis 7/2023,
- American Counseling Association (ACA), March 2023 Annual Conference, Toronto, Canada
- Sex and the Sacred - Complex intersections of Sex and Religion in Counseling
- Hanna Barnhill Bayne, PhD, LPC, LMHC
- Using Faith Practices in the Healing of Trauma
- Nicole G. Johnson, PhD, Angelle E. Richardson, PhD, LPC
- Human Sexuality Counseling: A Sex Positive Approach
- Angela Schubert, PhD, LPC, CCMHC, NCC
- Why and How Counselors Should be Saying "Let's Talk about Sex" to our Clients
- John T. Super, PhD
- Sex and the Sacred - Complex intersections of Sex and Religion in Counseling
- Trauma-Informed Sex Education, 2021
- Marty Stani, LCSW