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Books and Sites 

Enjoy these books and links!  Most of the reviews are written by me (Paul). 

Want me to consider adding a book to this list?  Drop me a note! Click on the image or title to purchase.

 

Categories

 

 New Books!

Millenneagram:  The Enneagram Guide for Discovering your Truest, Baddest Self

 

Millenneagram: The Enneagram Guide for Discovering your Truest, Baddest Self

by Hannah Paasch
review by Paul Paiva

1 - The Machine
2 - The Parent
3 - The Winner
4 - The Tortured Artist
5 - The Detective
6 - The Oracle
7 - The Party
8 - The Dragon
9 - The Wallflower
This is a fun, zany, and delightfully irreverent glimpse of the Enneagram through modern millennial eyes!  Although quite funny, don't let that mislead you into thinking this is superficial wisdom.  Millenneagram contains superb fresh insights that will awaken even the most seasoned and drowsy Enneagram buff!  The vocabulary is free flowing - it abounds with words like pissedfuckin', shit, and goddamn.  The author's glib genre really hits home the message - with a smile and an ah-ha!

These newfangled type titles are quite ingenious!  My fifth grade daughter (a SEVEN) absolutely adores her title.

Author's site

 

 

 

 

 General Enneagram Knowledge

The Wisdom of the Enneagram

 

The Wisdom of the Enneagram

by Don Richard Riso and Andreas Ebert
review by Paul Paiva

If you want an encyclopedic book of the Enneagram, this is the one to get. Kind of like the Enneagram Bible. Very thorough. These authors introduce the concepts of Levels of Health, an essential concept for knowing the Enneagram.  Both psychological and spiritual insights.  The authors have an evolved Roman Catholic and Jesuit background - implying excellent scholarship.

 

 

 

EnneagramInstitute.com

 

EnneagramInstitute.com

My favorite site for in-depth Enneagram knowledge

This organization and site was developed by Russ Hudson and the late Don Riso, two great pioneers who were a key part of the Enneagram's re-emergence in the 1970s.

These folk are the only ones in the whole Enneagram community who teach the nine Levels of Development, which describes each type's behaviors and motivation from the unhealthiest (Level 9) to the most evolved (Level 1).

 

 

 

The Enneagram Made Easy:  Discover the 9 Types of People

 

The Enneagram Made Easy: Discover the 9 Types of People

by Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele
review by Paul Paiva

Fun, easy to read, cartoons. Great for tweens, teenagers or adults. Truly my favorite book for someone who wants to learn quickly without much effort. This is the first Enneagram book I gave my nine year old, and my seventeen year old gives it to his friends.

 

 

 

What's the Point?

 

What's the Point?

by Justin E. Tomasino Jr. Ph.D. and Inga W. Tomasino
review by Paul Paiva

Excellent summary and introduction to the Enneagram. Justin taught the Enneagram to high school students for many years, and is presently a board member of Enneagram Colorado, the Colorado Chapter of IEA.

 

 

 

The Art of Typing

 

The Art of Typing

by Ginger Lapid-Bogda Ph.D.
review by Paul Paiva

If you are struggling with deciding if you are a 9 or 7, or 6 or 8, or ANY two combinations, this book is for you!  The author (as do I) strongly supports that taking a test is not necessary and should be avoided because it can give you erroneous results!  

Curious about the idea that typing is not necessary?  Check out this page Should I Take A Test?

 

 

 

The Complete Enneagram:  27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge

 

The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge

by Beatrice Chestnut, Ph.D.
review by Paul Paiva

Excellent resource for learning the Subtypes, that is, how each Enneagram type can be further divided into the dominant instinct: one-on-one, social, and self-preservation.

 

 

 

The Career Within You:  How to Find the Perfect Job for Your Personality

 

The Career Within You: How to Find the Perfect Job for Your Personality

by Elizabeth Wagele & Ingrid Stabb
review by Paul Paiva

Most books by the late Elizabeth Wagele are truly excellent; her genius is bringing complex Enneagram themes to simple understanding, often with fun cartoons.  No other work compares to her seminal The Enneagram Made Easy with its easy-to-read style, bullets of information, and delightful cartoons.

I found the type descriptions and analyses of famous persons to be excellent with lots of attention to career.  For example, each chapter has a section heading like this:  Strengths Adventurers Bring to the Workplace.  

I like this statement of hers regarding typing famous people:  Figuring out the career type of famous people is guesswork.  Some project public personas that are different from how they behave in private life.

She introduces Career Tables which are do-it-yourself charts for categorizing your talents and priorities, in an attempt to give career guidance.  I found this part to be cumbersome to actually use.  If someone is quite perplexed regarding their career choices, these charts may be helpful if they put in all the effort to use them.  However most persons who have a rudimentary sense of their career path can benefit from narrowing down their choices, or expanding their vision, with the insights of the great prose of this book without even using the charts.

 

 

 

 

What to Avoid in a Career, Based on Your Enneagram Type

 

What to Avoid in a Career, Based on Your Enneagram Type

Article by Heidi Priebe
review by Paul Paiva

Heidi describes the Professional Nightmare and Professional Dream for every type.  I find her insights to be brilliant.  If you are on a What is My Career? journey, this would be a fun and helpful read.

 

 

 

The Road Back to You

 

The Road Back to You

by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile
review by Paul Paiva

Review coming...

 

 

 

 

 Scripture and Spirituality

Discovering The Enneagram: An Ancient Tool for a New Spiritual Journey

 

Discovering The Enneagram: An Ancient Tool for a New Spiritual Journey

by Richard Rohr and Andreas Ebert
review by Paul Paiva

Richard Rohr is a Franciscan monk and contemplative prayer retreat master who takes a refreshing look at spirituality through the lens of the Enneagram. Chock full of examples of Enneagram types from the Hebrew and Christian scriptures, and influential figures who affected spirituality through history. 

What type do you think the Apostle Paul is?  Or Gandhi or Mary Magdalene?  How about Isaiah and the Apostle Peter?  Or Kings David and Solomon, and Pope John XXIII?  A must read for Christians, Jews, or anyone on a spiritual Enneagram journey!

 

 

 

 

 Sexuality and Relationships

The Enneagram, Relationships, and Intimacy

 

The Enneagram, Relationships, and Intimacy

by David Daniels, M.D. and Suzanne Dion
review by Paul Paiva

Excellent, covers all levels of emotional health for sexual intimacy.

 

 

 

Sex and the Enneagram

 

Sex and the Enneagram

by Ann Gadd
review by Paul Paiva

Pretty good, lots of insights, however some descriptions are only of average rather than healthy expressions.

 Article:  How your Enneagram Type Influences your Sex Life

 

 

 

Sex Love and your Personality

 

Sex Love and your Personality

by Mona Coates, Ph.D. and Judith Searle
review by Paul Paiva

A therapist's reflections. Two detailed couple cases for each subtype, 54 cases total. Includes insights into instincts and integration paths.  The author introduces her way of predicting success of love compatibility based on these five factors:

1) Compatible Lovemaps
2) High Levels of Psychological Health
3) Matching Personality Subtypes (instincts)
4) Harmonic Triad Match
5) Complimentary Connection Line 

This book is in my Top 5 of all books available on sexuality and the Enneagram, and one of my most frequently referenced books to assist in my work with couples.  Through these cases the reader will get great insights into subtypes.

 

 

 

 

Are You My Type, Am I Yours?

 

Are You My Type, Am I Yours?

by Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele
review by Paul Paiva

Fun, easy to read, cartoons. Great for teenagers or adults.

 

 

 

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love

 

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love

by Amir Levine, M.D., and Rachel S.F. Heller, M.A.
review by Paul Paiva

Great book to learn about the three attachment styles, which are

Secure - Being warm and close in a relationship comes naturally to me.

Avoidant - I often feel I need autonomy more than intimacy.

Anxious - I yearn for more closeness.  I think my partner might be planning to leave me.

The book helps you to identify your own style and that of your partner, and offers ways to gain security.  Includes a questionnaire and self-inventory techniques.  Packed with examples and scenarios, making this an enjoyable and informative read, even with no prior knowledge of psychology.  This is a great self-help book for couples who want to achieve greater stability in their relationship.

 

 

 

 

Conscious Loving:  The Journey to Co-Commitment

 

Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment

by Gay Hendricks, Ph.D., & Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D.
review by Paul Paiva

Review coming...

 

 

 

Consent:  The New Rules of Sex Education.  Evern teen's guide to healthy sexual relationships

 

Consent: The New Rules of Sex Education. Evern teen's guide to healthy sexual relationships

by Jennifer Lang, M.D.
review by Paul Paiva

Looking for the right book about sex and dating for your teenager?  This is the book I handed my son, and the book I plan to give my daughter when she's older.  Dr. Lang is a board-certified OB-GYN.  

First, this book is a refreshingly thorough and excellent treatment on the topic of consent. Then this consent-knowledge is buttressed by addressing critical surrounding topics such as

Tools for Understanding and Navigating Consent

What's a Relationship?

Dating, Rejection and Breakups

Am I Ready to have Sex?

Realistic Expectations about Sex

Practicing Safe Sex

What's my Love Personality?  A quiz to do with your partner which provides a framework for how to dialogue about the your feelings and facts in your relationship.  This is a great model for teaching teens how to dialogue in future relationships.

I absolutely love this book!  Written in a genre of candid facts, clarity, and compassion, that is very appealing to teenagers.  

 

 

 

 

Intima.com

 

Intima.com

Site review by Paul Paiva

An amazing site for women and girls!

I absolutely love this site!

Originally a period products site, but now it has gone far beyond that.  This site is a true work of art.

This is an encyclopedic resource for information appealing to women, girls, and all vulva-bodied persons.  The blog section itself is chock full of tips on reproductive health, menstruation, dating, kissing, orgasms, pelvic floor health, trust, consent, pleasure - pretty much anything.

Men and boys, too, would do well to learn about feminine issues on this site.

 

 

 

 

The Enneagram of Parenting: The 9 Types of Children and How to Raise Them Successfully

 

The Enneagram of Parenting: The 9 Types of Children and How to Raise Them Successfully

by Elizabeth Wagele
review by Paul Paiva

Yet another insightful book from the late Elizabeth Wagele. If you are an Enneagram enthusiast AND a parent, you may find this helpful.

It is very difficult to to type children. Firstly, no one should ever be typed by another - people should only type themselves. Secondly, children go through so many stages of development. Parents know how young children can act so differently from one month to the next.

Keeping all that in mind, I found this book an enormous resource as I raised my children.  

Knowing your child's type is not as important as you (and they) enjoying the journey of self-discovery.  

NOTE about typing children - I admit I often mistyped some of my children.  Yet I accurately identified their type motivation for that stage.  Eventually when a child of mine turned around age 11 or 12, I handed them a copy of The Enneagram Made Easy (above) and asked them to decide for themselves.  "For these past years I have thought you are a SEVEN - what do YOU think?"  Weeks later when they finally perused the book, how gratifying it was to see them appreciate a description that depicted them so accurately!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Non-Monogamous Relationships

Stepping off the Relationhip Escalator:  Uncommon Love and Life

 

Stepping off the Relationhip Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life

by Amy Gahran

Based on her survey of over 1500 unconventional relationships, this is a must read for those who are exploring alternatives to conventional monogamy. Love is not one-size-fits-all explains the author. This books allows the reader to know the myriad of possible non-monogamous relationship possibilities that can be negotiated.

 

 

 

Polysecure:  Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy

 

Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy

by Jessica Fern

Attachment theory has entered the mainstream, but most discussions focus on how we can cultivate secure monogamous relationships.  What if, like many people, you're striving for secure, happy attachments with more than one partner?

Polyamorous psychotherapist Jessica Fern breaks new ground by extending attachment theory into the realm of consensual nonmonogamy.  Using her nested model of attachment and trauma, she expands our understanding of how these emotional experiences influence our relationships.  Then, she sets out six specific strategies to help you move toward secure attachments in your multiple relationships.

Polysecure is both a trailblazing theoretical treatise and a practical guide.  It provides nonmonogamous people with a new set of tools to navigate the complexities of multiple loving relationships, and offers radical new concepts that are sure to influence the conversation about attachment theory.

JessicaFern.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Sexual Techniques

Sex for One:  The Joy of Selfloving

 

Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving

by Betty Dodson, Ph.D.
review by Paul Paiva

The seminal book on masturbation!  Very appropriate for those raised in a purity culture who were affected by repressed sexuality and body-shaming.  

I myself was taught from the Catholic textbooks that masturbation or self-abuse is considered to be a venial (non-serious) sin, or in some cases a mortal (serious) sin.

In my opinion there is nothing sinful about masturbation; rather it should be encouraged as a means of self-discovery that will be essential for communicating with your sexual partner.  This book celebrates the amazing gift of sexual pleasure which every human has been given.  

 

 

 

 

Orgasms for Two:  The Joy of Partner Sex

 

Orgasms for Two: The Joy of Partner Sex

by Betty Dodson, Ph.D.
review by Paul Paiva

Excellent sequel to the first book!

 

 

 

 

 Kink and Fantasy

Cosmo's Fantasy Sex Games:  Steamy Role-Playing Challenges for Next-Level Bedroom Fun

 

Cosmo's Fantasy Sex Games: Steamy Role-Playing Challenges for Next-Level Bedroom Fun

from the editors of Cosmopolitan
review by Paul Paiva

If your partner's blueprint is kinky, and you are not into kink, then the kinky blueprint may be awkward for you. 

This is a great vanilla kink book on kinky practices - great for those squeamish about learning kink!

This is a simple, short book for learning what would appeal to your kinky partner!  It is more of a bedside table reference.  I like the small size of this hardcover book - it can easily fit into your purse or under the pillow.  Fits in the palm of your hand so you can read in bed!  Offers creative, fun, things to do to cater to your kinky partner.  Excellent for introducing role-playing into your lovemaking, and ideas for basic household implements (kitchen spatula!) for your toy box.  Kinky blueprint people are typically very creative.  This will get you up to speed!

 

 

 

My Secret Garden, 1973

 

My Secret Garden, 1973

by Nancy Friday, sexologist
review by Paul Paiva

Published in 1973, the same year known for the popularity of college students streaking nude across campuses including Michigan State University; the sexual revolution that began in the 1960s was now well underway. 

After many decades or even centuries where the focus of eroticism has been dominated by men, this first exposé of women's fantasies by Nancy Friday shockingly reveals that women crave the experiences and dominant figures who "take" them. The bold message of this book:  Women, too, crave sexual fulfillment.  This book does not negate the male world of "taking" and consuming women for their gratification.  Rather, it reveals the other side - that women are willing objects of the male drive; women enjoy pleasure and orgasms, and largely welcome the submissive role.  

Although the overall theme is that women are submissive, there is such variety and richness to the fantasies.  You will find many that arouse you, some will intrigue you with their originality, and some may downright shock you.

TRIGGER WARNING
Please note that you may be triggered by some of these extremely taboo fantasies.  NOTE that many fantasies are intended to stay in the realm of the mind and never be actualized.  

Fun Couple Exercise!
With this, and the next three books reviewed in this series, may I suggest taking a pencil while reading and checking the fantasies which appeal to you, and marking an X for those that don't resonate or are disturbing.  Then, invite your lover to do the same, using a different color ink.  You can now compare the results and have sexy discussions to explore your lover's erotic thoughts that may never have had the opportunity to be voiced!  This is an ingenious way to learn about your partner, or to share of your own depth, with minimal shame and risk.  This exercise will supply you with plenty of creative stimulus and introduce or extend your world of psychological kink, as well as all the Erotic Blueprints™.

 

 

 

 

Forbidden Flowers:  More Women's Sexual Fantasies, 1975

 

Forbidden Flowers: More Women's Sexual Fantasies, 1975

by Nancy Friday, sexologist
review by Paul Paiva

Two years later, Forbidden Flowers continues uncovering the breadth of women's fantasies.  Going beyond the theme that women are simply submissive, she explores the origins of these fantasies and reveals more depth and the richness of taboo.

TRIGGER WARNING
Please note that you may be triggered by some of these extremely taboo fantasies.  NOTE that many fantasies are intended to stay in the realm of the mind and never be actualized.  

Fun Couple Exercise!
With this, and the other three books reviewed in this Nancy Friday series, may I suggest taking a pencil while reading and checking the fantasies which appeal to you, and marking an X for those that don't resonate or are disturbing.  Then, invite your lover to do the same, using a different color ink.  You can now compare the results and have sexy discussions to explore your lover's erotic thoughts that may never have had the opportunity to be voiced!  This is an ingenious way to learn about your partner, or to share of your own depth, with minimal shame and risk.  This exercise will supply you with plenty of creative stimulus and introduce or extend your world of psychological kink, as well as all the Erotic Blueprints™.

 

 

 

Women on Top:  How Real Life Has Changed Women's Sexual Fantasies, 1991

 

Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women's Sexual Fantasies, 1991

by Nancy Friday, sexologist
review by Paul Paiva

A full decade and a half since Forbidden Flowers, Nancy Friday now unabashedly reveals that women can have a dominant side, too, and that women, too, may "take" the men who are the object of their fantasies.  

This is a delightful read, and truly will extend your depth and breath of kinky fantasies!

TRIGGER WARNING
Please note that you may be triggered by some of these extremely taboo fantasies.  NOTE that many fantasies are intended to stay in the realm of the mind and never be actualized.  

Fun Couple Exercise!
With this, and the other three books reviewed in this Nancy Friday series, may I suggest taking a pencil while reading and checking the fantasies which appeal to you, and marking an X for those that don't resonate or are disturbing.  Then, invite your lover to do the same, using a different color ink.  You can now compare the results and have sexy discussions to explore your lover's erotic thoughts that may never have had the opportunity to be voiced!  This is an ingenious way to learn about your partner, or to share of your own depth, with minimal shame and risk.  This exercise will supply you with plenty of creative stimulus and introduce or extend your world of psychological kink, as well as all the Erotic Blueprints™.

 

 

 

Men in Love, 1980

 

Men in Love, 1980

by Nancy Friday, sexologist
review by Paul Paiva

A full decade and a half since Forbidden Flowers, Nancy Friday now unabashedly reveals that women can have a dominant side, too, and that women, too, may "take" the men who are the object of their fantasies.  

This is a delightful read, and truly will extend your depth and breath of kinky fantasies!

TRIGGER WARNING
Please note that you may be triggered by some of these extremely taboo fantasies.  NOTE that many fantasies are intended to stay in the realm of the mind and never be actualized.  

Fun Couple Exercise!
With this, and the other three books reviewed in this Nancy Friday series, may I suggest taking a pencil while reading and checking the fantasies which appeal to you, and marking an X for those that don't resonate or are disturbing.  Then, invite your lover to do the same, using a different color ink.  You can now compare the results and have sexy discussions to explore your lover's erotic thoughts that may never have had the opportunity to be voiced!  This is an ingenious way to learn about your partner, or to share of your own depth, with minimal shame and risk.  This exercise will supply you with plenty of creative stimulus and introduce or extend your world of psychological kink, as well as all the Erotic Blueprints™.

 

 

 

The Story of O

 

The Story of O

by Pauline Réage
review by Paul Paiva

Review coming...

 

 

 

The Story of O (Part Two):  Return to the Chateau

 

The Story of O (Part Two): Return to the Chateau

by Anonymous
review by Paul Paiva

Review coming...

 

 

 

The New Story of O

 

The New Story of O

by Anonymous
review by Paul Paiva

In some ways I found this book to be even better, more kinky, than the original work. It addressess kink in the context of conservative and family culture. If kink is the love of the taboo, then this book is very kinky!