Books and Sites
Enjoy these books and links! Most of the reviews are written by me (Paul). Click on the image or title to purchase.
Want me to consider adding a book to this list? Drop me a note!
Categories
- Scripture and Spirituality
- Enneagram, General
- Enneagram, Sex & Intimacy
- Relationships & Marriage
- Sex Education
- Sexual Techniques
- Playfulness and Fantasy
Scripture and Spirituality
The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You've Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended
by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and Joanna Sawatsky
review by Paul Paiva
There are many books on marriage and sex from a biblical, Evangelical Christian perspective. I find that I approve of 70-90% of the content of each of these books. The portion of each book that I don't approve of, teaches in my opinion, inappropriate values regarding sex and intimacy. These values are damaging and even propagate the culture of erroneous Christian teaching, which I call pseudo-Christian.
This refreshing book is 100% amazing, insofar as it quotes the parts of the other books that are erroneous, and instead offers a correct, pure teaching. If you are yearning for God and you read these authentic Christian teachings on sex and marriage, your heart will be able to sense the veracity of the teachings. You will know this is truly what God intended.
This book is a MUST READ!
by Joseph F. Girzone
review by Paul Paiva
This book will warm a heart that is disillusioned after brushing with the superficiality of organized Christianity.
The late Joseph Girzone has a gift of writing a modern day Gospel. What if Jesus were to return, now, in this age? He comes as a humble man, a carpenter. He attends various churches, both Catholic and Protestant. And really loves going to the Jewish temple. In each place he makes friends easily. A few typical miracles happen, but the big miracle is that by reading this book, you get a new insight into Jesus that can really help you to live his message.
When I was assigned to my first parish, I purchased 25 copies of this and handed them out to those to whom I thought needed it. They were all delighted.
His writings were condemned by the Church, and lauded by millions of readers. Some of the books in the Joshua series were on the New York Times bestseller list.
If you need a boost in your Christian faith, this may be perfect for you. Or if you are non-Christian and you want see what authentic Christianity is all about.
One of my all time favorite books!
Discovering The Enneagram: An Ancient Tool for a New Spiritual Journey
by Richard Rohr and Andreas Ebert
review by Paul Paiva
Richard Rohr is a Franciscan monk and contemplative prayer retreat master who takes a refreshing look at spirituality through the lens of the Enneagram. Chock full of examples of Enneagram types from the Hebrew and Christian scriptures, and influential figures who affected spirituality through history.
What type do you think the Apostle Paul is? Or Gandhi or Mary Magdalene? How about Isaiah and the Apostle Peter? Or Kings David and Solomon, and Pope John XXIII? A must read for Christians, Jews, or anyone on a spiritual Enneagram journey!
Enneagram, General
Millenneagram: The Enneagram Guide for Discovering your Truest, Baddest Self
by Hannah Paasch
review by Paul Paiva
| 1 - The Machine 2 - The Parent 3 - The Winner 4 - The Tortured Artist 5 - The Detective 6 - The Oracle 7 - The Party 8 - The Dragon 9 - The Wallflower |
This is a fun, zany, and delightfully irreverent glimpse of the Enneagram through modern millennial eyes! Although quite funny, don't let that mislead you into thinking this is superficial wisdom. Millenneagram contains superb fresh insights that will awaken even the most seasoned and drowsy Enneagram buff! The vocabulary is free flowing - it abounds with words like pissed, fuckin', shit, and goddamn. The author's glib genre really hits home the message - with a smile and an ah-ha! |
These newfangled type titles are quite ingenious! My fifth grade daughter (a SEVEN) absolutely adores her title.
by Don Richard Riso and Andreas Ebert
review by Paul Paiva
If you want an encyclopedic book of the Enneagram, this is the one to get. Kind of like the Enneagram Bible. Very thorough. These authors introduce the concepts of Levels of Health, an essential concept for knowing the Enneagram. Both psychological and spiritual insights. The authors have an evolved Roman Catholic and Jesuit background - implying excellent scholarship.
The Enneagram Made Easy: Discover the 9 Types of People
by Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele
review by Paul Paiva
Fun, easy to read, cartoons. Great for tweens, teenagers or adults. Truly my favorite book for someone who wants to learn quickly without much effort. This is the first Enneagram book I gave my nine year old, and my seventeen year old gives it to his friends.
by Ginger Lapid-Bogda Ph.D.
review by Paul Paiva
If you are struggling with deciding if you are a 9 or 7, or 6 or 8, or ANY two combinations, this book is for you! The author (as do I) strongly supports that taking a test is not necessary and should be avoided because it can give you erroneous results!
Curious about the idea that typing is not necessary? Check out this page Should I Take A Test?
The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge
by Beatrice Chestnut, Ph.D.
review by Paul Paiva
Excellent resource for learning the Subtypes, that is, how each Enneagram type can be further divided into the dominant instinct: one-on-one, social, and self-preservation.
The Career Within You: How to Find the Perfect Job for Your Personality
by Elizabeth Wagele & Ingrid Stabb
review by Paul Paiva
Most books by the late Elizabeth Wagele are truly excellent; her genius is bringing complex Enneagram themes to simple understanding, often with fun cartoons. No other work compares to her seminal The Enneagram Made Easy with its easy-to-read style, bullets of information, and delightful cartoons.
I found the type descriptions and analyses of famous persons to be excellent with lots of attention to career. For example, each chapter has a section heading like this: Strengths Adventurers Bring to the Workplace.
I like this statement of hers regarding typing famous people: Figuring out the career type of famous people is guesswork. Some project public personas that are different from how they behave in private life.
She introduces Career Tables which are do-it-yourself charts for categorizing your talents and priorities, in an attempt to give career guidance. I found this part to be cumbersome to actually use. If someone is quite perplexed regarding their career choices, these charts may be helpful if they put in all the effort to use them. However most persons who have a rudimentary sense of their career path can benefit from narrowing down their choices, or expanding their vision, with the insights of the great prose of this book without even using the charts.
What to Avoid in a Career, Based on Your Enneagram Type
Article by Heidi Priebe
review by Paul Paiva
Heidi describes the Professional Nightmare and Professional Dream for every type. I find her insights to be brilliant. If you are on a What is My Career? journey, this would be a fun and helpful read.
by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile
review by Paul Paiva
Review coming...
by Justin E. Tomasino Jr. Ph.D. and Inga W. Tomasino
review by Paul Paiva
Excellent summary and introduction to the Enneagram. Justin taught the Enneagram to high school students for many years, and is presently a board member of Enneagram Colorado, the Colorado Chapter of IEA.
My favorite site for in-depth Enneagram knowledge
This organization and site was developed by Russ Hudson and the late Don Riso, two great pioneers who were a key part of the Enneagram's re-emergence in the 1970s.
These folk are the only ones in the whole Enneagram community who teach the nine Levels of Development, which describes each type's behaviors and motivation from the unhealthiest (Level 9) to the most evolved (Level 1).
by Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele
review by Paul Paiva
Fun, easy to read, cartoons. Great for teenagers or adults.
The Enneagram of Parenting: The 9 Types of Children and How to Raise Them Successfully
by Elizabeth Wagele
review by Paul Paiva
Yet another insightful book from the late Elizabeth Wagele. If you are an Enneagram enthusiast AND a parent, you may find this helpful.
It is very difficult to to type children. Firstly, no one should ever be typed by another - people should only type themselves. Secondly, children go through so many stages of development. Parents know how young children can act so differently from one month to the next.
Keeping all that in mind, I found this book an enormous resource as I raised my children.
Knowing your child's type is not as important as you (and they) enjoying the journey of self-discovery.
NOTE about typing children - I admit I often mistyped some of my children. Yet I accurately identified their type motivation for that stage. Eventually when a child of mine turned around age 11 or 12, I handed them a copy of The Enneagram Made Easy (above) and asked them to decide for themselves. "For these past years I have thought you are a SEVEN - what do YOU think?" Weeks later when they finally perused the book, how gratifying it was to see them appreciate a description that depicted them so accurately!
Enneagram, Sex & Intimacy
The Enneagram, Relationships, and Intimacy
by David Daniels, M.D. and Suzanne Dion
review by Paul Paiva
Excellent, covers all levels of emotional health for sexual intimacy.
by Ann Gadd
review by Paul Paiva
Pretty good, lots of insights, however some descriptions are only of average rather than healthy expressions.
Article: How your Enneagram Type Influences your Sex Life
by Mona Coates, Ph.D. and Judith Searle
review by Paul Paiva
A therapist's reflections. Two detailed couple cases for each subtype, 54 cases total. Includes insights into instincts and integration paths. The author introduces her way of predicting success of love compatibility based on these five factors:
1) Compatible Lovemaps
2) High Levels of Psychological Health
3) Matching Personality Subtypes (instincts)
4) Harmonic Triad Match
5) Complimentary Connection Line
This book is in my Top 5 of all books available on sexuality and the Enneagram, and one of my most frequently referenced books to assist in my work with couples. Through these cases the reader will get great insights into subtypes.
Relationships & Marriage
Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment
by Gay Hendricks, Ph.D., & Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D.
review by Paul Paiva
Review coming...
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love
by Amir Levine, M.D., and Rachel S.F. Heller, M.A.
review by Paul Paiva
Great book to learn about the three attachment styles, which are
Secure - Being warm and close in a relationship comes naturally to me.
Avoidant - I often feel I need autonomy more than intimacy.
Anxious - I yearn for more closeness. I think my partner might be planning to leave me.
The book helps you to identify your own style and that of your partner, and offers ways to gain security. Includes a questionnaire and self-inventory techniques. Packed with examples and scenarios, making this an enjoyable and informative read, even with no prior knowledge of psychology. This is a great self-help book for couples who want to achieve greater stability in their relationship.
by Janis A. Spring, Ph.D. with Michael Spring
review by Paul Paiva
Excellent book to address the concerns of both the unfaithful one, and the one who was hurt. Without condoning the behavior of the unfaithful one, their actions are examined. Yet a good focus of the book are the complex feelings of the other party - loss, betrayal, and being lied to - all of which are appropriate and valid in this circumstance. The couple can move forward, as long as both sets of feelings and values are addressed.
This book is good for the healing of both the one who has been hurt, as well as the one who was unfaithful.
Sex Education
Consent: The New Rules of Sex Education. Evern teen's guide to healthy sexual relationships
by Kyla Schuller
review by Paul Paiva
Looking for the right book about sex and dating for your teenager? This is the book I handed my son, and the book I plan to give my daughter when she's older. Dr. Lang is a board-certified OB-GYN.
First, this book is a refreshingly thorough and excellent treatment on the topic of consent. Then this consent-knowledge is buttressed by addressing critical surrounding topics such as
Tools for Understanding and Navigating Consent
What's a Relationship?
Dating, Rejection and Breakups
Am I Ready to have Sex?
Realistic Expectations about Sex
Practicing Safe Sex
What's my Love Personality? A quiz to do with your partner which provides a framework for how to dialogue about the your feelings and facts in your relationship. This is a great model for teaching teens how to dialogue in future relationships.
I absolutely love this book! Written in a genre of candid facts, clarity, and compassion, that is very appealing to teenagers.
Ejaculate Responsibly: A While New Way to Think about Abortion
by Gabrielle Blair
review by Paul Paiva
Review coming...
Site review by Paul Paiva An amazing site for women and girls!
I absolutely love this site!
Originally a period products site, but now it has evolved far beyond that. This site is a true work of art.
This is an encyclopedic resource for information appealing to women, girls, and all vulva-bodied persons. The blog section itself is chock full of tips on reproductive health, menstruation, dating, kissing, orgasms, pelvic floor health, trust, consent, pleasure - pretty much anything.
Men, boys, and penis-bodied persons would do well to learn about feminine issues on this site.
Some of my favorite links that can be useful:
Menopause and Loss of Libido; How to Regain Your Desire
Sexual Techniques
Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving
by Betty Dodson, Ph.D.
review by Paul Paiva
The seminal book on masturbation! Very appropriate for those raised in a purity culture who were affected by repressed sexuality and body-shaming.
I myself was taught from the Catholic textbooks that masturbation or self-abuse is considered to be a venial (non-serious) sin, or in some cases a mortal (serious) sin.
In my opinion there is nothing sinful about masturbation; rather it should be encouraged as a means of self-discovery that will be essential for communicating with your sexual partner. This book celebrates the amazing gift of sexual pleasure which every human has been given.
Orgasms for Two: The Joy of Partner Sex
by Betty Dodson, Ph.D.
review by Paul Paiva
Excellent sequel to the first book!
Playfulness and Fantasy
Cosmo's Fantasy Sex Games: Steamy Role-Playing Challenges for Next-Level Bedroom Fun
from the editors of Cosmopolitan
review by Paul Paiva
If your partner's intimacy style is kinky, and you are not into kink, then the kinky may be awkward for you.
This is a great vanilla kink book on kinky practices - great for those squeamish about learning kink!
This is a simple, short book for learning what would appeal to your kinky partner! It is more of a bedside table reference. I like the small size of this hardcover book - it can easily fit into your purse or under the pillow. Fits in the palm of your hand so you can read in bed! Offers creative, fun, things to do to cater to your kinky partner. Excellent for introducing role-playing into your lovemaking, and ideas for basic household implements (kitchen spatula!) for your toy box. People with a Kinky intimacy style are typically very creative. This will get you up to speed!
by Nancy Friday, sexologist
review by Paul Paiva
Published in 1973, the same year known for the popularity of college students streaking nude across campuses including Michigan State University; the sexual revolution that began in the 1960s was now well underway.
After many decades or even centuries where the focus of eroticism has been dominated by men, this first exposé of women's fantasies by Nancy Friday shockingly reveals that women crave the experiences and dominant figures who "take" them. The bold message of this book: Women, too, crave sexual fulfillment. This book does not negate the male world of "taking" and consuming women for their gratification. Rather, it reveals the other side - that women are willing objects of the male drive; women enjoy pleasure and orgasms, and largely welcome the submissive role.
Although the overall theme is that women are submissive, there is such variety and richness to the fantasies. You will find many that arouse you, some will intrigue you with their originality, and some may downright shock you.
TRIGGER WARNING
Please note that you may be triggered by some of these extremely taboo fantasies. NOTE that many fantasies are intended to stay in the realm of the mind and never be actualized.
Fun Couple Exercise!
With this, and the next three books reviewed in this series, may I suggest taking a pencil while reading and checking the fantasies which appeal to you, and marking an X for those that don't resonate or are disturbing. Then, invite your lover to do the same, using a different color ink. You can now compare the results and have sexy discussions to explore your lover's erotic thoughts that may never have had the opportunity to be voiced! This is an ingenious way to learn about your partner, or to share of your own depth, with minimal shame and risk. This exercise will supply you with plenty of creative stimulus and introduce or extend your world of psychological kink, as well as all the Erotic Blueprints™.
OBITUARY Nancy Friday (1933-2017, aged 84)
We will miss Nancy Friday and the amazing contribution she made for helping society to normalize sexual fantasies and experiences.
New York Times
Washington Post
Forbidden Flowers: More Women's Sexual Fantasies, 1975
by Nancy Friday, sexologist
review by Paul Paiva
Two years later, Forbidden Flowers continues uncovering the breadth of women's fantasies. Going beyond the theme that women are simply submissive, she explores the origins of these fantasies and reveals more depth and the richness of taboo.
TRIGGER WARNING
Please note that you may be triggered by some of these extremely taboo fantasies. NOTE that many fantasies are intended to stay in the realm of the mind and never be actualized.
Fun Couple Exercise!
With this, and the other three books reviewed in this Nancy Friday series, may I suggest taking a pencil while reading and checking the fantasies which appeal to you, and marking an X for those that don't resonate or are disturbing. Then, invite your lover to do the same, using a different color ink. You can now compare the results and have sexy discussions to explore your lover's erotic thoughts that may never have had the opportunity to be voiced! This is an ingenious way to learn about your partner, or to share of your own depth, with minimal shame and risk. This exercise will supply you with plenty of creative stimulus and introduce or extend your world of psychological kink, as well as all the Erotic Blueprints™.
Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women's Sexual Fantasies, 1991
by Nancy Friday, sexologist
review by Paul Paiva
A full decade and a half since Forbidden Flowers, Nancy Friday now unabashedly reveals that women can have a dominant side, too, and that women, too, may "take" the men who are the object of their fantasies.
This is a delightful read, and truly will extend your depth and breath of kinky fantasies!
TRIGGER WARNING
Please note that you may be triggered by some of these extremely taboo fantasies. NOTE that many fantasies are intended to stay in the realm of the mind and never be actualized.
Fun Couple Exercise!
With this, and the other three books reviewed in this Nancy Friday series, may I suggest taking a pencil while reading and checking the fantasies which appeal to you, and marking an X for those that don't resonate or are disturbing. Then, invite your lover to do the same, using a different color ink. You can now compare the results and have sexy discussions to explore your lover's erotic thoughts that may never have had the opportunity to be voiced! This is an ingenious way to learn about your partner, or to share of your own depth, with minimal shame and risk. This exercise will supply you with plenty of creative stimulus and introduce or extend your world of psychological kink, as well as all the Erotic Blueprints™.
Men in Love: The Triumph of Love over Rage, 1980
by Nancy Friday, sexologist
review by Paul Paiva
Nancy Friday reveals that men have an enormous romantic and emotional side, while still touching on kink and taboo. This book effectively negates the common idea that men's fantasies are relegated to the most superficial parts of contemporary pornography. As such, she does a great service to society - men can be just as romantic, sensual, and emotional as women.
Based on the title, I avoided this book thinking it would be unappealing. How wrong I was! This is one of my favorite of the Nancy Friday fantasy series.
TRIGGER WARNING
Please note that you may be triggered by some of these extremely taboo fantasies. NOTE that many fantasies are intended to stay in the realm of the mind and never be actualized.
Fun Couple Exercise!
With this, and the other three books reviewed in this Nancy Friday series, may I suggest taking a pencil while reading and checking the fantasies which appeal to you, and marking an X for those that don't resonate or are disturbing. Then, invite your lover to do the same, using a different color ink. You can now compare the results and have sexy discussions to explore your lover's erotic thoughts that may never have had the opportunity to be voiced! This is an ingenious way to learn about your partner, or to share of your own depth, with minimal shame and risk. This exercise will supply you with plenty of creative stimulus and introduce or extend your world of psychological kink, as well as all the Erotic Blueprints™.